Dallas, TX – In a shocking turn of events, sources close to the Dallas Cowboys organization have confirmed that owner and general manager Jerry Jones woke up alive this morning.
Insiders Express Concern
“This is devastating news for the team,” an anonymous source revealed. “Whenever Jerry is involved, things tend to go awry. We were hoping for a miracle, but it seems like we’re stuck with his leadership.”
Jones’ History of Interference
Jones’ notorious meddling has led to:
- Questionable draft picks
- Poor coaching hires
- Chaos in the front office
“Cowboys fans were optimistic about the new season, but Jerry’s awakening has crushed those dreams,” said a local sports analyst.
Team’s Response
Players and coaches are bracing themselves for Jones’ inevitable interventions:
“We’ve learned to adapt to Jerry’s unorthodox methods,” a Cowboys player admitted. “But it’s hard to shake off the feeling that he’ll find ways to sabotage our chances.”
Fans’ Reactions
Cowboys loyalists took to social media to express their frustration:
“Can’t we just have a competent GM for once?” @CowboysFan4Life tweeted.
“Why does Jerry always have to be involved? Can’t he just let the professionals handle it?” asked @DallasSportsFan.
Outlook
With Jones at the helm, the Cowboys’ prospects look bleak. Fans can only hope that he’ll step back and let the team’s talented roster shine.
But don’t hold your breath.
Stay tuned for more updates on Jerry Jones’ latest antics and the Cowboys’ struggles.
